cozy

I'm not great with the blog posting. I've been meaning to for weeks and you know...
We've been having a lovely holiday season. I think seeing these seasons through my children's eyes helps me through the winter. Nadia actually looks forward to winter. I can't agree I'm much more of summer outside person. She says she always feels so cozy during the winter season. She says it's all the things I do around the house that makes it feel that way and just slowing down.

So you ask how do we try to do to keep it cozy? Well I start the day lighting candles it seems to help when your coming down to darkness and cold in the morning. We feed the birds and hear their songs. Most days we have a hot breakfast. Nadia says one of her favorite things about winters is my bringing her a hot breakfast or hot choc in bed.

We make lots of crafts around the holidays which adds to the smells which feel cozy. Nadia says just the smell of beeswax makes her happy and reminds her of winter seasons past. Can you tell she's sentimental like me? We switch from year to year what we do. I try to make some of our gifts at Christmas homemade though not nearly as much as I did when Ike and Nadia were little. Poor Francesca hasn't even had one doll or dress made for her (oh the guilt). We always make candles and gingerbread houses.

I try to cook one big meal most days. Lately because of the teens and Chris's schedule I usually plan our big meal for lunch. We make lots of bread and home baked goods. There is a reason I gain weight every winter.

I wish I could say I made evening super cozy but I don't I'm usually petering out by then.... Usually we are reading or watching something and then a simple bedtime prayers routine then bed. We do try to have cookies coming out of the oven most nights when Chris comes home. We make lots of batter and only cook in small fresh batches (this has helped a lot because in the olden days when I tried to fill the cookie jar they just ate them all stat) through the week. I try to make sure the Christmas lights,candles and tree is lit so he feels cozy when he gets home usually 8 or 9pm. I warm up our room with candles and turn on the electric blanket to warm up the covers before we get in, all things to feel cozy.

I try to have green things growing, forcing bulbs is one of my favorite winter things. It lets me feel a bit of the outside inside. I love how they smell of spring and give me a bit of hope. We try to and try is the optimal word here I hate the cold. We try to get outside as much as possible seems to help a lot. I really should make it outside every day but I can't always find the willpower.

So there you have my survival guide for the sun loving outside person during winter. And honestly if you are thinking I'm trying to be a bit Martha Stewartish here don't even... you haven't seen my clutter I'm no Martha. Anyone who knows me knows this :) The older I'm getting the more I see that killing myself to clean isn't what I want my kids to remember. I'm not great at being organized so what... big deal :)

Francesca looking at old photos of me. "It's hard to imagine you looked like that!" .... thanks.... LOL!

My sister VickyMy brothers Sean and Sonny at my wedding
my sister Margie,Dad and I
My Grandmother who I still miss sooooo much!

Hideous picture of me but I love it because I miss this body!!!!

Hope for today, look up,look ahead

Look up
Matt 11 tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest.Walk with me & work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me & you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Got to love God, he is so much more then people represent him as.



What I are going through today, this season in my life is temporary, it will be finished some day. I don't have to work as if there will never be an end. There is hope in every season. I need to look ahead to keep plowing through the icky stuff,envision the possible futures. My favorite envision is to just be before God with him,worshiping him. Probably my favorite Christian song is I can only imagine (link below) . When I sing that song I see that day and it always moves my soul with strength,hope,peace. It is going to be glorious....



Look ahead

Heb 12 Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

camping

Sorry another post without pictures I'm going to really try to upload some I swear.
We are back from camping. It was a lovely time. The camp ground we went to we had not been there in years. We've camped other places for quite a few years now. But when we were young and married we went there every year for weeks at a time. The camp ground was local so Chris could continue to work while I camped with the kids. A lot of our friends did the same in fact we always found someone we knew camping the same time as us,usually unplanned. So we always had company which was great. Not so anymore.... most of our friends only had two maybe three kids and now they are all teens ,no one really camps anymore. We have had weekends that we've had planned camping trips with friends but that's it.

I felt very much the passing of time. Walking by the camp site we camped when Nadia was two weeks old and we kept her in a dresser drawer,swimming in the pond we used to waterski day after day in,seeing the beach where my brother Sonny drove our boat onto the beach(long story) ,remembering all the good times with good friends... It was bittersweet ,lovely.

Funny thing is we rented a cabin... I remember mocking my in-laws when they were our age about the cabin vs. tent isn't really camping. I'm happy to have a bed to snuggle in at night,I would gladly never tent camp again! Ike and Nadia shared my sentiments!

People did not seem as friendly as they once were. I only met one friendly southern lady and a gentleman who like to travel from campsite to campsite finding work as he went. He seemed so lonely,he made me sad. Everyone else seemed like they wanted to be left alone.

We spent most of our days swimming. It was chilly but mostly ok. We found a rope swing and a HUGE rock to jump off of. I almost fell off the rock and removed quite a bit of my skin on my derriere,ouch! Even Ollie did better jumping then I did. I'm so glad the younger kids are swimming so well so they could jump. I was so tired every night we never made it back to star gaze (the older kids went),I regret that. Our old house had a fantastic open field and we would often lay out there just watching the stars. We almost never do that now.

We gave Ike and Nadia their first car red convertible la baron and they got it on the road this week. It was fun whizzing around in a convertible. My first car was a retired police cruiser not nearly as cool but it did have fantastic pick up and a great spotlight.
So that is it nothing exciting. :)

We've been having to much fun to post

Yesterday was our first day doing fall stuff. Did a bit of cleaning (House slowly descends into dinginess as we are just having too much fun in sun) It's my policy to enjoy life specially in summer. I decided that a long time ago when my Grandmother talked about how she would stay home cleaning,playing catch up when my Grandfather would invite her to go driving with him. Sometimes she would say yes and leave everything and she wished she had said yes more often. She said she would have, if she had known he would die so young.... Live like we're dying I'm actually thinking of stenciling Live like we're dying in one of our rooms. It's so easy to get caught up in things that just do not matter.

So that was bad ,cleaning I hate it but it really hit me later in the day that fall has arrived,when we went to the beach. When I saw the lifeguard stands gone from the beach, I just felt so sad.... I love summer it's my favorite season. Nadia and the kids made me feel better talking about how they are looking forward to fall and the yummy food I make. I don't cook inside all summer. We eat a lot of grilled food and I cook everything even things like rice outside on the grill. The kids all had their lists of food they are looking forward to and it did make me feel a bit cozier about fall.

Sebastian could live solely off my home mac and chez (it's spicy not the normal mac) he always chows when I make it which is usually a couple of times a week. Nadia was looking forward to waking up with me bringing her pancakes in bed. It's funny you do all these things for kids over and over again. You don't get much feedback then it's like they slam you with the love. I felt warm and cozy when they were talking. So I went home and we had our first fall meal oven fried chicken and homemade mac. It was yummy no wonder I gain so much weight every winter!!

I'll try to get back here sometime soon with pic from our summer
LOL Ollie just brought me breakfast in bed. My left over chicken, an apple, and choc cake....

Day 6 I'm grateful for

my husband. He still can make my stomach drop,just thinking about him even after almost 20 years. I love that I knew him when he couldn't even grow a beard and now his beard is coming in with bits of white. There is something special about the touch of someone you have loved for a very long time. Marriage is always changing as we change and yet still the same. I like that we have moments where I feel our souls are truly one as corny as it sounds. Like today just lying next to him in the sunshine I felt so content, I'm so blessed to have him. Now if only I could repeat this post in my head the next time I feel like killing him!!!!!

Day 5 I'm grateful for

Even though I haven't had the energy to post every day this grateful business is great. It gets me thinking about what is good in my life now that I'm always looking for something to be grateful for.
I like that. :)
Ok today I'm grateful for books. I LOVE to read and most days you can find me with my face buried in a book. I read a mix of novels and any number of non fiction books. I usually have any where from 5 to 10 books I am currently reading.

Right now here's what on my bedside table.

Unconditional parenting (It looks at what kids need and how we meet those needs vs. the more traditional parenting of ,how can we get kids to do what we want.)
Happiness now (about choosing to be happy)

Trading Places (marriage book on empathy for your partner)
Martha Stewart's Gardening Month by Month

Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day

With the kid's I are reading any number of picture books,Naughty Sister books (They LOVE these!!!) and Popper's Penguins. Shirley Hughes is hands down my favorite children's author and Illustrator. She didn't write these stories but they are close in style to her own. We LOVE them.
Lately for novels, any number of Norah Roberts books LOL These are like candy I'm a fast reader so I can finish one in a night or two. I have to laugh at my reading these super fluffy books. I was such a snob a few months ago chatting with my family, laughing at romance novels. Well these are a blend of a bit of romance and thriller. I was chatting with a librarian who also loves Norah Roberts when another librarian looked over to see who we were talking about and she did an obvious snobby Oh.... LOL! Remember a while ago when I said when ever I'm being snobby or judgmental it seems God always has it come back at me. Well.... LOL These are great though when I'm tired ,stressed from the day and just need to relax. Like I said to the librarian it's just the stage of life we're in, need to relax after taking care of all these little ones. Norah Roberts is so fluffy,it's relaxing and slightly better then TV. LOL! Plus my husband doesn't mind I usually feel gushy after reading a good love story,it makes me appreciate him.

Oh and I think I finally decided on the color for the Bathroom. I think it would look neat with a gallery of 5x5 images I took in Florida of Daytona Beach along with the silly images I have of the kids already in there(wide angle close up of Francesca's sandy beach feet and close up of ollie lower face playing with his brightly colored trucks making the truck noise it has a bit of motion blur on his lips it's a riot)I'm still not quite sure because I also love this color scheme. What do you think?

day 4 I'm so grateful for a large yard

Yes I know it's been a while. I've been super busy working in the yard. My house is an absolute pit I'm not one of those women who can do it all. LOL If I work in the yard the house suffers and vs. versa... I finally had a day of some rest yesterday. We had a lovely day just a few friends and us. Nadia wanted to invite more but I just really needed a day of rest.We spent the morning getting our outdoor furniture set up. I still have a bunch more work there.... I've been so busy trying to get the garden together and expanding my flowerbeds that I didn't get to the area where our pavilion goes ready. I'm done expanding the beds around the house all but the shade side. I am putting in a huge wildflower bed in the front (it will look like a meadow I'm so excited) along our driveway and I have to dig out all the stuff there and turn the soil without a tiller. I hate doing this stuff in the heat but sadly because I had hurt my shoulder I couldn't really do any yard work in the spring. I'm going to try to do most of the work in the morning and evenings when it's cooler. At least thankfully the grass is looking a bit better.... Ike and I put some fresh loam down and are reseeding the front. We added in some warm weather seed to the sides and back. In the fall we will add loam and reseed the sides. The back I'm not as worried about the kids are murder on it and I know it will never look great while they are back there so much. So all that brings me to...

I'm grateful for our very large yard. Some lots on Cape they built these HUGE houses on little tiny parcels of land. Thankfully we have ugh I can't remember exactly but almost an acre. It's pretty big and we are slowly turning it into what we want. One side is going to be our living side pavilion,pool,open grass the other side we want to leave a lot of the trees and want to landscape like it's a public garden with meandering paths. We haven't really done anything over there yet but we are making plans to build this summer a tree house close to the end of our land so they have to go through the woods to get to it.
We're not totally sure what design. We have to talk to a friend who is a carpenter first but this one is a possibility. I'm hoping for simple so the kids can help build it.

Day 3 I'm grateful for a wondering path

My grateful thought this morning comes from this story I heard a while ago.

"Architect Frank Lloyd Wright told how a lecture he received at the age of nine helped set his philosophy of life: An uncle, a stolid no-nonsense type, had taken him for a long walk across a snow-covered field. At the far side, his uncle told him to look back at their two sets of tracks.
"See, my boy," he said, "how your foot prints go aimlessly back and forth from those trees, to the cattle back to the fence and then over there where you where throwing sticks? But notice how MY path comes straight across, directly to my goal. You should never forget this lesson!"
"And I never did," Wright said, grinning. "I determined right then not to miss most things in life, as my uncle had."

I'm grateful for little kids who think different then we do. I am not a morning person seriously it takes me hours before I feel like the fog has lifted. I like things to run smoothly eat, get dressed,clean, school.
So it's hard when I wake up to chores not done(I HATE waking to mess!!!) and find that the littlest ones decided to paint.... with my paints.... Black everywhere..... (Darn it that I didn't take a picture I was just annoyed). Then Ollie comes down in my Dad's hat and at first I'm annoyed. He's in my stuff again!!! But then I look and he's so darn cute smiling under that big black hat. So it makes me take a step back think of my Dad then see the funny in all that happened this morning. Then Nadia just had to show me the Lol cats bible and well I remember how very grateful that kids take a wandering path and take me along.

I'm grateful for my oldest daughter Nadia

I'm thankful for my sweet daughter Nadia. She can be tough,she's strong willed I'm not. I know in a fight I would always want her on my side. She cares about people. I 've never seen her be intentionally unkind. She is a lot like her Nana who is incredibly sweet. She's funny in a sweet silly way. She's beautiful I think she looks like a fairy would look if they were real,she just needs a set of wings. She's artistic I think she's going to be a much better photographer then I am,she's has always had an eye. I remember being amazed at 12 when she won a design contest that all the other contestants were adults. We can't see all she will be,but just being what she is now is wonderful. I LOVE my sweet Nadia!

The above picture was taken by me last Saturday on our walk and Nadia liked it so she processed it her way.

A glimpse of our marriage

Seriously... well we try not to be serious... Chris has managed to get me to laugh in the middle of HUGE arguments and don't let me get started on how he uses that to his advantage. I can't help myself... I know sometimes I am just plain ridiculous and I like to laugh. Let me tell you ladies do not marry an intelligent man with a sense of humor. He's so quick to pick up on my rather humorous discrepancies and then point them out in a way I can only laugh and guess what.... he wins... fight over LOL!

Here is a pretty typical "conversation" He sends me a comic that he thinks exemplifies us,then we "discuss" it.

This is the comic he sent

our replies to one anotherI think Chris thinks our lives could be totally summed up by Arlo and Janis comics. I do have to say honestly we are sooooooo much like them it's weird and kind of cool.

365 days of being grateful

I am going to try to post at least once a day with a grateful post. A self help project... LOL!

My grateful thought this morning came from this quote which I just adore.

Away from the world and its toils and its cares,
I've a snug little kingdom up four pair of stairs.
~ William Makepeace Thackeray

I'm so grateful for our home it's refuge to come to when life gets me down. That I know I can always find a hug,an I love you and some encouraging words.

Fort Hill

We had a lovely day Yesterday at Fort Hill. I love the lower Cape it reminds me of the way the Cape was 25 years ago. A lot less people and much more serene. Here you can walk and only hear the distant crash of the waves, rustles and peeps of the forest. Nature soothes me like nothing else does,reminds me of my sweet Grandmother. She was wonderful to walk with. She knew all purposes and names of the things found in the forests. Best of all she knew the stories behind many of the names,lots of native stories. When she didn't know something she would bring home a sample,research it and remember for the next time. I miss her terribly....

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Robert Frost

Show our resurrection

This blog Click here amazing...


These two posts from that blog posted below speak so greatly to me. I may never be the person I so desire to be I struggle so with many things. But I can show the wonder of the mercy he has for me for the power to grow,thrive,for courage to continue in my failures,my thorns in my side.

"Show me the power of Christ that has raised you with Christ, show me the power of marriages that thrive and the wonder of mercy for the prodigal sons. Show me your real sacrifice for the homeless , your radical love forsaking consumerism to free children oppressed by poverty. Show me the Dads who tenderly serve and show me the Moms who speak only soul-strengthening words and show us how to breathe the non-toxic air of grace and please, show our community the resurrection of the dead and disdained and discarded. In this post-Easter world -- show us your resurrection!"



show our resurrection

How We treat the weaker is our treating of Jesus

Mother's day

We had a lovely one. We spent the day driving around ,visiting our moms. It was a lovely day. It was funny when we were ordering lunch,Grandpa asked Sebastian what he wanted on his pizza,Sebastian said puke. Grandpa Keith never missed a beat and said in his super dry no nonsense voice "No,puke is not on the menu." We have the best family,Keith has a great sense of dry dry humor.
Ike and Nadia the pranksters... gave me some bubble wrap for stress relief and a card that mocked my tech abilities.


Later I realized they changed my Phone ring tone to Animal from the Muppets singing Happy B Day(it was my bday as well) and no I do not know how to change it back! LOL

Mothering

taken by Elliot Erwitt his wife and first child










The older I get the more I realize "I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." -Laura Ingalls Wilder



I know I've posted that quote here before it's one of my favorites along with " The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched-they must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller

Mothering to me is the hardest work I've ever undertook and the most wonderful. If I had to do all over again I would in a heartbeat though some days I complain I wouldn't, I would with all my heart.

Often the work I do is done in quiet, rarely even realized but I try to remember how important it is. "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."-- Abraham Lincoln
I never really had a Mom and I can tell you there are still days I long to be safe in Mommy's arms. I don't thing there is anything in this world that can make up for a lack of a mother's love. Mothers matter,what you do or don't do as a Mother matters more then we will ever fully appreciate here.
"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up." Galatians 6:9 I have a love hate relationship with that verse. LOL!




Today is your day moms and I hope the people you are loving, are loving on you today.

My New Life

Sometimes you watch a video and so moves you ,changes you,reminds you this video did that to me. I cried through all the chatter of my littlest one, a vole who had entered the house (who knows how),my middle child showing me his latest art work I stopped it ,started it and cried. I remember when her accident happened I would chat with the photographer who did the pictures you see on her wall. I remember everyone so sad over what had happened ,praying. Now years later I find her video,hear her story amazing...





I think God can touch through anything. Sometimes we disagree about doctrine. I disagree with quite a bit of Mormon doctrine. I think today that some of what I believed as an early Christian was false doctrine,yet God touched me there deeply. He is so much greater then then the boxes we put him in.

SO STINKIN sick of myself!!!!!

Sometimes I get so caught up in my junk I forget that other people have more troubles then me. Seriously my troubles are such crap. Wahh wahh wahh I can't find a church and I'm frustrated with the church crowd. Big deal....
I talked to two people tonight both with separate serious life changing things going on and my heart just wants to break. I HATE that people not any worse or more evil then me have in a weak moment made decisions that will effect them for a long long time if not a life time. It sucks!

I wish I had all the answers. I don't even for my own life. The only thing I'm sure of is I am greatly comforted,strengthened and guided by a relationship with God. I don't understand everything he does but really who would want a God they could understand? He wouldn't be much of God if I understood everything he is doing.

⁸ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
⁹ For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

So I have lots of things that bother me for sure but the thing I've become also sure of is over the years of my relationship with God is I can trust him. It's not just that I've seen bad things eventually turn out good for me. There is that what does kill you only strengths you thing,you do not have to be a christian to learn from hard things , there is more and it's kind of hard to explain. This part might sound weird but I've talked to him and he's talked to me. He's so much more then church. Sometimes because of church or other people's influence on me, I have even had a wrong perspective of him. There were seasons where I talked ,cried ,screamed for answers from him and I didn't get answers. No neat little package of answers arrived. I've had Christian try to give me formulas for answers but I think our lives who we are ,who God is,isn't simple enough to have a simple formula. I think that is why a lot of things are left vague in the bible. I struggled through seasons of doubt. I don't know why he allowed that but through each season eventually he met me in his timing ,his way. Most of the time he talked to me through his word. I will be the first to say it is super dry to start out with but you develop a taste for and even a hunger for it. Please do not think I'm this deep scholar because I'm not. I just find sometimes I'll read a scripture and it will really speak to me,deep down even change me in a HUGE way.

Then there is nature how can doubt him being there. I feel like I can get a sense of him by looking at creation,it's amazing!!!!!





I think another way is I knew was I just felt. There have been seasons of just feeling washed with God's love and presence. Most of the time it isn't that way (I wish!), I feel him the most when I sing but it's different for everyone. Eric liddell (remember the runner from chariots of fire) said he felt God's pleasure when he ran. God is so much bigger then the boxes we put him in. He comes in all different ways to speak to us as individuals. It might sound weird to describe knowing him as a feeling but there are lots of times we just feel something. I think you would call it intuition like when we know someone is attracted to us, we need to be leery of someone, our child is getting into trouble,we just feel it ,know it.



Ok now I'm sure you think I 'm a total nut but I'm sure of his existence as I am of the nose on my face. I talk about this because he helps me so much I wish some how I could pass that on to everyone I know and everyone I love with out them feeling like I'm being pushy or judgmental. God doesn't think like men ,most of that judgmental crap is coming from people who have God in a box of either their own choosing or false prideful teaching. Jesus like I said before wasn't to kind to those stinkers,he hates that stuff ,yet there is so much from "God's People" that it is hard to even mention God without someone getting their back up. Not to mention all the "Christians" who do horrible things. All those things make me shy to talk of the thing that is the best in my life. It's a shame because it has been the most loving solid relationship I've ever enjoyed.

Ups and downs

I looked over this morning at my middle child while he was reading to my youngest two. I saw him with his head towards Ollie and thought Oh how sweet! Only to realize he leaned into him to teach Ollie to say I am a moron. Which Obviously Ollie had no idea of the definition of moron. He just thought it was some cool thing from the wimpy kid books.... Horrible mommy when I realized my mistake I started giggling and had to pull myself together to do my mother duty "Sebastian you should not.... "
It's so weird to watch the ups and downs of relationships. One minute they are the very best of friends then the next minute one is clobbering the other. Sometimes it's a heartbreak like today when Nadia and Francesca left Sebastian behind while they went to a friend's. Sebastian stayed behind and cried,it wasn't the first time. Sadly in this it's his faults that have been the cause but the hurt is still there. He can be rather difficult to manage sometimes so Nadia would rather not take him.
Ike and Nadia are the closest of friends so I know there is yet hope for this set of young ones. I remember Ike and Nadia arguing over whose turn it was to play house or army and they survived their ups and downs. There is a special bond when you grow up together it's a shame so many of us let that go wayside. I'm guilty. The older I get the more I'm convinced that relationships are the most valuable thing we have and I wish I had invested more in keeping them close. After all who else but my brothers remember tickling me till I peed my pants or and the issue with my Dad's steel toe boots "CAPISH!!!!!"





It was actually hot for a few hours today! I did a bit more yard work but then it started to rain on me. Kitty found the bumblebee so intriguing,you can just barely see the bee in the picture. She followed him all around the garden. Then started hollering for her boyfriend. Yes kitty has a boyfriend we've seen him and we are so excited to have babies!

Census and yard work

We had a visit from the United States Census this morning. It was interesting to see what questions had changed ( I think we did about 15 or so years ago). The country is changing. We're becoming even more of a melting pot then ever. Sebastian drew this cute picture of the census guy.

On thing I would like to know why is it always with out fail that someone comes on a day that we have started slow?????? Meaning I was taking a ten min break watching pride and predjudice (for the millionth time I love Jane Austen) while I drank my coffee before I cleaned up the breakfast mess or rather breakfast, plus Sunday mess. We're really lazy on Sunday and things tend to fall apart a bit. At least I had Sebastian reading to the little ones so we're doing "school". I invite the census man in and actually have to wipe a spot on the table so he can use it. Ughhhhhhh!!!!!! No one EVER comes when it's nice and tidy which it is most days I swear. :) .... well most days.... I'm not really a morning person.... but it's cleaned before noon that counts right?

Did some Yard work today it felt soooooo good to be outside working and making plans I'll take some pictures and add them. I'm so excited I have lilac bush. I have a list of plants and trees I want in my yard mostly wanted because of memories involving people so I'm slowly adding them in. I planted two this year, lily of the valley and lilacs ,both will have white blooms Can you believe Lily of the valley comes in different colors now? I want my house to have the feel of an old fashioned garden. I'm not there yet. I still buy a lot of annuals to fill in space and add color and slowly adding in the more expensive perennials,shrubs, and trees every year.

I come from green thumbs. My Grandmother had the most lovely gardens. I liked the lazy natural way her yard looked,like the plants had arrived there naturally. Most of the garden save the vegetable garden would indeed arrive on it's own each year. She usually only planted once! My mom's gardens look like Better Homes and Gardens and I'm not exaggerating. She spends hours each day. She has flowers the size of dinner plates. She digs up and puts in certain plants and bulbs through out the growing season, much more work then Grandma but oh so lovely.

Well I might have come from green thumbs but I didn't grow up with my mom so I'm on my own when it comes to figuring out things. Thank goodness for the internet. Most of my flowers and shrubs do ok but when it comes to grass...... I'm hopeless. I need to figure this out. I'm so sick of my sickly looking grass.

Chow for now be back with pictures (after I get the babies to bed) Sorry still didn't get any pictures. I forgot and then it started to rain. I will add in the census picture tomorrow I swear. LOL!

Inspired

Boy was I ever on a vent the last post. I think it was a combo of lots of pain,too much rain and cold and that time of the you know. I think the biggest thing is Chris and I are "discussing" churches and church hunting has been a sad kind of awful experience.

So I'm leaving that off and going to go on to more fun things. I been inspired lately I think I'm going to redo my decor slowly. Right now my house is very West Elm want to be-ish. I love simple uncluttered most of my walls are bare as are quite a few of my windows. I love things from nature showcased,like the driftwood I have mounted,shells etc... My base is the deep dark mahogany furniture against the greyish white walls. Right now my colors are all based around one wall in my living room that I painted almost a brick red only it has a lot of orange in it,kind of hard to imagine. Can't take a picture right now so it's about the color of this couch only richer.



I'm lusting over those log tables.... It's exactly the kind of nature things I like to mix in with the more modern simple things I have.



The rest of the colors are mustard yellow,choc brown,grey. Kind of sounds funky but it's simple understated. I HATE CLUTTER!!!! I'm forever being over run with clutter and fight against it constantly. 5 kids ,two adults in a simple cape house.... We have our basement decked out with wall to wall book cases and shelves and I still can't find the room for our stuff. So again I HATE clutter!!!!!! It's my WAR of all WARS against the darn CLUTTER!!!!

Got to run Chris is ready to hit the hay and so am I . I'll talk more sometime in the future... about what I want to change over to.

New Church

Please note this disclaimer before you read this blog post. What I wrote here isn't a reflection of any one church rather a collective of my experiences with the church world. Every church I have attended there were things I loved about it and things I had issues with. I think the church is a reflection of the people attending,there will never be a perfect church as we are not perfect people. Some of it is a bit harsh as I've been really frustrated,I truly get why people stop going to church now. I'm not going to but I get it. I'm probably in need of an attitude adjustment but I think people just think your sour no matter what,if you dare to criticize the church. So now go ahead and read if you dare....


We've kind of been in transition for about a year now. We left a really wonderful church (lighthouse in Sandwich) and there are a great many things we miss about that church. But we just felt socially we just we're not clicking. My teens were really lonely as homeschoolers we needed for them to have friends that were Christians. They have friends that are not Christian but it's important to have friends that are fighting the good fight. The church was always my social life so it was really tough,when there wasn't that social network. I think part of it was how small the church was. We attended for 6 years. I told the Pastor's wife about 6 months before we actually left that we were thinking of leaving and why. It was really tough because they didn't want us to go and really made us feel loved by how much they showed they didn't want us to go. But Chris and I felt God was at least telling us to look. We also counseled with people that we respected it was a long, hard, decision.We're still not sure if returning there is what we will ultimately do.


So we spent the last year looking at churches.
Our list was pretty simple
real worship
good bible studies- Where there is a freedom to push back,ask questions with out being labeled a rebel so we can work out our salvations with fear and trembling. Bible studies have been the number one outlet in helping us grow ,change so this is really important to us.
good childrens program
good teen program
Good solid preaching- leaving the opinions and bogus generalizations at home. Stick to the word it's just wisdom to let God do the speaking.
modern- ( if possible we knew this would be hard to find on the Cape)I think we were meant to be all things to all men. How is an unchurched person going to even be interested in dressing up (most of us are pretty casual these days even in the work place) sitting through terrible music and long christian lingo laden sermon on their day off? I know I struggle with it and I consider myself a dedicated Christian. Modern music can be just as spiritual if you pick songs that are scriptural. Something like this family worship Where the men don't' sound like their wearing too tight pants if you get my drift. I have nothing against a mix I think it's respective of the people attending but at least have something people can connect with and singing modern songs but still singing them like you sing hymns doesn't count.

Please please leave off the weird super spiritual stuff and just KISS (keep it simple stupid) remember that God said the number one things we need to be doing is loving on him and others. When you start having all these legalistic things that would just seem bizarre to an unchurched(heck they seem bizarre to me!) person, it just makes me think of the pharisees(these real self righteous stinkers who liked to make up new rules for people to follow that had nothing to do with God. These people SUPER ticked Jesus off I mean he had a fit over them,calling them names and denouncing them publicly. He never did that with regular people he had a lot more grace.)
I found this blog today Beyond relevance
and I so agreed with what he said about the majority of churches in America are functioning as if this were still the 1950s. I don't think we were meant to have mega churches(super large churches) I think its a phenomena of us only having a few churches that are modern enough to appeal to the unchurched. We are called to be all things to all men...

real people -meaning people who are aware of their own sinfulness. I find non Christians are a LOT more honest in that way. I will scream if I hear one more time that "We love you too much to leave you this way." Well who died and left you God? Do you want to hear what I see in your life? doubtful because you think you are so much more spiritual then me. I'm made in the image of God and there is a lot more to me and others then OUR pea sized brains can handle. I try to remember that... I am a screw up of the first degree and need lots of grace. But I still fall into thinking I know what someone else needs to do,but God always seems to humble me and make me remember who I am. I swear every time I get self righteous about something someone is doing I fall in to it or he shows me that thing in my life. This post seems a bit self righteous so I wonder what I'm going to learn next LOL! Anyway back to my vent.... (yes I'm a stubborn mule)
The Jesus I see portrayed in the bible is one who accepted people as they are and he usually only offered advice when a person asked for it. I personally think the biggest impact you can have on a person's life is to get to know them and let them get to know you. If you truly have something to offer sooner or later it will come up. People are a LOT more open to people that know and care for them then people just doing their christian duty Blaech!!! I find for the most part if you are real in church all that seems to happen is people look down on you. People need to be real because they have real issues that need real answers.






We could never find a church that had all that. We didn't really expect to,we thought God would lead us just where we should go....

So here we are almost a year later and still no direction. I don't know what God's doing or what we are some how missing. We've been attending a church for over 6 months now. It has FANTASTIC children programs. It's a nice church but I don't think it's our home ,mostly because of doctrinal differences. I'm taking the next few Sundays to take one last look around but I'm pretty discouraged. Chris wants us to make a solid decision and stick to it. We're not good pew sitters or church hoppers (my first church I attended 18 years!) we like to be involved and help. So we want to settle ,let the kids settle etc..

I feel like this is a huge decision and I wish God would pipe in. My husband thinks that no matter where we decide it's still in the will of God so he's leaving it up to us. Kind of like marriage I think most of us go into still having doubts but it's the love that makes you take that chance and work to build something. I know when we make a final decision I am going to leave off the critiques and complaints and do my best to fill what ever I think is lacking or be more accepting. I'm not always right right??? LOL! Honestly,truly I know I still have a LOT to learn. I am determined that is the tude I am going to take. I'm going to work it like I work my marriage with the same love and forgiveness.

Someone sent me a great link today I found it very helpful How to find a church

Here's a video from that blog I spoke of. I could so connect when he said God spoke to him and said you know I'm real and I'm more then this (Church service he was in.)




Here is a funny one from the same blog.

Dandy Day

It was a lovely lovely lovely day!





The kind of day that the sun seems to just sparkle off of everything. We spent most of it outside. The house smells like fresh air and flowers (we force flower bulbs all winter it gives us a bit of sunshine in the darkest of months).



This is our sweet kitty. We call her kitty,what we really named her, was lost a long time ago. She is the sweetest thing. Even though the kids hold her 24/7 she still hangs around near us and loves to be touched. At night after we put our kids to bed, she follows Chris and I up to bed where she runs around bouncing off things,like a maniac like she's trying to say yea I'm free no hands to carry me. We had hoped to keep her as inside cat but we couldn't too many people coming in and out. She would wait around the corner and literally wait for someone to open the door so she could sneak out. I'm so hoping we can at least keep her in at night because of the coyotes. I haven't heard them in a while but I'm sure they will be back.

sadly the horizontal pictures i have to small size or they get cut off.

Did you ever have days when you just do not even

want to attempt to be positive???
I'm having one of those days....
I could list all the reasons and they are reasonable but I won't. Instead I'm going to force myself to write 10 things I'm grateful for this week.

1. My mother in law calling me seeing how I was doing about my Dad. She made me cry. I swear she is one of the sweetest persons I know.

2. How good I felt after therapy yesterday. It's amazing how draining pain is. For a while yesterday I had a ray of sunshine.

3. The smell of my forced bulbs all lined up along my windowsills. The smell is just heavenly in my kitchen.

a capture taken this week



4. The songs of the birds. When we first build this house there were no birds seriously none. I don't know if the building scared them away or what. But now a few years and tons of birdseed later I have TONS of birds and I hear them even in the winter.

5.The smell of the fresh air... I love sleeping with my windows open again.

6. I am married to a man I truly love. That it never seems to get dull it just evolves through seasons.

7. for the mess.... there it is It drives me nuts specially having one gimpy arm. I'm having to scale back all my plans. But I know some day I will miss the crazy unexpected twisted busyness of life as it is now. Mess=life and we have PLENTY of that here.

8. For little people that come in the night for reassurance. That I'm the one that gets to hold them ,smelling sweet,warm and soft.

9.For a God who motivates me to love

10. I'm thankful that in remembering to be thankful I've become thankful. :)

A couple of Sebastian's B day. This was the family party in a couple of weeks we'll do his friend one.



This boy is such a geek. LOL He was way more excited to get a pad of paper,journals and books then he was for any of the "fun stuff" like his new bike. Seriously he asked for a stapler for Christmas. LOL