We had a lovely Halloween thanks to a wonderful friend who put on a fantastic party. It's so nice to spend holidays with so many. Though we were a bit of a mob going around trick or treating LOL. Olli loved it when people asked "Are you a hot dog?" and he would scream in fear "Don't eat me!!!" Always people cracked up! He is soo much like my Dad,he loves to make people laugh.
Sadly I don't have any group shots in other years we did it inside so I didn't grab my flash. So nothing really came out well,oh well. I could of pulled out my phone if I hadn't lost it again.... Darn thing I need a tether for it.
Found a great blog this past month. It has monthly units. I love when units are all put together for me so helpful when I'm schooling so many. So here is a shout out to website that the units look great want to try!! I'm entering their contest and hope I win!
Well it's amazing how things change in no time. It's pretty likely that we will be moving to Australia! The movers were here today for an estimate. Chris is currently out getting paperwork for our visas. We have a few more hurdles. One the offer the company gives us. They do really want him there so probably it's going to be a wonderful offer. Hopefully they will finalize the details this week. I know we will have to agree to 4 years at least. Then there is the visas. We are older so that might be issue but probably wont. Soo... it looks like we might be living on the other side of the world.
I never would have thought a month ago that our lives would change so much so quickly. Our lives seemed to be plodding along a certain path. Before all this happened I saw this quote that just really spoke to me. It made me hungry for an adventure...
And then the next thing you know our world is being turned upside down.Chris and I believe it might be an answer to prayer,prayers we've been praying for a LONG time.
I love this one too ,so perfect for how I feel right now
I know everything isn't going to be peachy in Australia. It will be ups and downs just like here. We might be taking a chance where we will get more downs then ups, but then again it might be the most wonderful experience in the world. Either way we are up for it!
As usual this month we did a LOT of walking. Nadia took this one. She's been really pushing to get me in more photos. Ugh!
The month started out with a lovely vacation up in NH. We leaf peeked,picked apples,went on hikes,tubed the river,fished etc... Unfortunately all the pictures from the vacation I'm having a hard time removing so I'll be back in another post hopefully with some.
I did not take really any pics of what we did this month.
I need to get better about taking pictures. So all I have is a few and a shot of the alphabet pictures I've been drawing. I am planning on doing some thing with them, for Olli when we're done. I'm not sure yet what but I'm taking pictures anyway. :)
That is it for now hopefully I will be back with NH pics and stories!
LOL not a post all summer. To be honest this is the first summer ever I am ready to move on. I spent most of the summer sick and in pain. It was a really depressing summer. I finally feel like a some what normal person and I'm ready for a change. So for once I'm ready for fall,school,snuggling in,all of it. Ike is gone. He went to Liberty University in Virgina,a part of 72,000 students! 'm beyond excited for him. He's loving the college life so far. It's cool with google skype we've been able to see his dorm room and "meet" his roommates. We didn't go down with him. He went down with a friend who is also going there. He's greatly missed!!! I joke though with friends that I cried on and off after he left until.... I cleaned his room! OMG years of hoarding even after he "cleaned" his room it took me two days to get the thing fully cleaned. It's kind of funny we started going back to the church he continued to attend(after we left) but now he's gone and we are there. That was also part of my sadness this summer. I love that church and think the pastors there are fantastic,people fantastic. But... we never really had the connection we had with our old church. So we looked around a bit and never really found a place we could call home. We stayed at a lovely church for over year I think almost two, but in the end decided to go back to our old church. The old churches style of teaching really works for us ,we learned so much there. Life changing stuff, we missed their bible studies a lot. So I feel a bit like I'm taking steps backward but it's the best choice for us right now. The sad thing is now we're going to miss seeing some of the people we met when were at that church we went to for a while. Life is never perfect it's always messy. I'm so grateful for all 3 churches and their ministry. Just really missing how church felt more like a family and we really knew each other. We've talked to so many people who left our first church and we all say we can not find the same connection again. It's funny the longer I'm around the more I realize that every church has it's strengths and weaknesses just like people. So all three churches now have a part of my heart and I will miss the ones ,we aren't attending.
Nothing really exciting happened this summer with the kids. We started a tree house. Francesca learn to ride without training wheels. I feel like it was a bum summer for them too because we didn't do nearly as much as we normally do. We are going camping soon so at least we did manage that. Camping in the fall seems to becoming a tradition with us anyway. It's a really nice time to camp. But we didn't make it to six flags and barely went to the beach. The meds I was on really caused me to burn ( I wasn't even supposed to be out in the sun...) even with high sunblock I really had to watch it. We do have a pool so at least there was that. The kids had a blast filling up the blow up pool I bought and putting it at the bottom of the slide. They spent hours and hours with that. They helped me in the garden quite a bit,even starting their own plants this year. Oh we now have chickens! They have started to lay so it's really fun to go out everyday and get the eggs. Favorite book for the summer,This Life Is In Your Hands.
It's a biography about Eliot Coleman written by his daughter. If you don't know him he's a gardener whose research and methods are really changed the way people farm organically and seasonally. I've read a number of his books so I was curious. It's funny before I read the book I read some reviews and it's really interesting how differently people think. The reviews I read made them out to be the worst parents really neglectful and weird. Franky I agree with a lot of how they parented. I think kids should have lots of down time and freedom especially outdoors. I've always been accused of being a "hippie" with weird ideas so I guess I can see part of where they were coming from. I don't agree with all they did. I think some of their lifestyle was bit much for kids but I think I would rather have my kids growing up around that then the close minded box type people. I think the thing that really touched me about the book was the mom's story. You could tell in the beginning they were so hopeful. They wanted a beautiful life for their family. But then life crowded in and things became too much for both of them. It's sad to see a family slowly fall apart. Sad that in part it was their desire for a perfect life that brought it about.
My favorite Movie of the summer,The Music Never Stopped.
Pretty much a movie about learning to listen ,really listen and how much you discover when you do. I think so often we think we are listening but aren't. Sometimes it's hard to wrap your head around someone else's thoughts specially when we have preconceived ideas about them. I hate when people think they have you pegged. Please you see me maybe a few min every week and you think you know me? But the worst thing is I consistently catch myself doing just that! I love movies that inspire me deeply and this one did.
Favorite new album of the summer, ugh hard to choose!! I guess Ben L'Oncle since he was my go to album LOL The great thing is he's recorded both in french and English.
Been searching for some Christian music I would like and found some great ones. I am kind of sick of the life is hard but I love the lord anyway theme. I mean you could get depressed listening to Christian music really! But I can connect with this one so, one life is tough song is ok sandwiched in between my happy music.
Out on the farthest edge There in the silence You were there
My faith was torn to shreds Heart in the balance And You were there
Always faithful, always good You still have me You still have my heart
I thought I had seen the end Everything broken But You were there
I've wandered at heaven's gates I've made my bed in hell You were there still
Always faithful, always good You still have me You still have my heart
You have me, You have me You have my heart completely You have me, You have me You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me You have my heart completely You have me, You have me You have my heart
You have me, You have me You have my heart completely You have me, You have me You have my heart completely
to end it right a happy Christian song. :) Nadia is so sick of this one... I've way over played it! LOL
Well thank goodness it's summer! My garden got a real slow start this year. First I hurt myself and couldn't work,then we went away for a vacation and then I hurt myself again. But it's getting there... I expanded the flower beds around most of the house. Put in four more veg beds and two lazy beds. I'm trying my hand at upside pot gardening. I think they look ugly but I found some kits really cheap so I thought what the heck. The kids had fun planting them. They loved how the soil grew ,coconut compressed soil you add water to so it expands into a growing medium. I'm putting in a lavender bed in the land before you hit our flower beds that divide the front.I think it will do really well there,lavender loves sunny dry soil and if it does I'm going to go ahead with my meadow front yard plan. I am soooo sick of grass it just doesn't grow well on the cape unless you really work at it and I'd rather spend my time growing other things. I've been reading a few books and I think it will really suit both my style and our environment. The picture below you can kind of get the idea of what I am thinking but I'll use plants mostly native to the Cape. After the meadows then the front flower beds and trees (which I might eventually turn into meadow too)come my vegetable beds and the finished plan is to kind of look like this when it's done. I want to put in a very small shed for my tools and a potting bench. I don't like sharing a shed with the boys they are messy and I have to climb over all their junk to get to my tools. I want to put in an herb garden on the left side yard. I've been drooling over a local musuem's circular herb bed for years now and really really want one of my own! I have some herbs nestled among the perennial beds but I really want to add and learn more about medicinal herbs. I haven't worked out the design yet,something along the line of the garden below but less rigid. I might splurge and get bricks for the path,they remind me so much of my Grandma's garden.
We're also bringing down the big trees right in the front (all but Francesca's climbing tree and replacing them with dwarf fruit trees but I probably wont' do that till spring because I want to put in a greenhouse this fall and I can't over load Chris with too many things.
So that is all nothing hugely interesting going on right now. Just that life is soooo sweet despite all it's imperfections!
This post started out as a sharing at Facebook. I started sharing a Jason Upton song I love (which I was reminded of by this post Unconditional) and well my thoughts just got longer and longer so I decided to post it here instead. video I was going to share
I love Jason Upton's words and spirit. He's the only Christian artist that I really can connect with. I don't even really like his style of music but it's his words that move me. He sings about the biblical God one that is close ,quick to forgive not wanting to judge. Instead of the usual rhetoric of a far away huge God that you should feel obligated to sing worship songs(ugh hate most worship music!!!!) to, a God that is just waiting for his chance to stomp on you at the judgement day... or sooner.
Jason sings of a God that doesn't call you to some "christian mold" but one that celebrates diversity,isn't afraid of it,he created it. The live living exciting God of the bible. True Christianity that forgiveness/love is the core of. His music calls me back reminds me that I am never more like God then when I forgive and love. I'm not saying I'm there (all loving the perfect Christian haha what a thought!!)but rather that I am reminded of it and it changes me. " We love because he first loved us."" Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love "1 John 4 When I look up the definition of love, it isn't trying to mold people into what your idea of the perfect Christian is. It's looking for and seeing the beauty,the worth of another and because of that insight, you naturally would care what is happening with them. A huge difference from the usual indifference from much of the church. On Sundays,people file in and people file out or maybe even worse is deciding who someone is based on your pea sized experience of life,not really getting to know them. My daughter's boyfriend was really impressed when a local church (he had to visit different churches for a paper he was writing for school,Christian college) cared enough to ask Tommy about his life. Though the guy needs to work on his listening skills. Tommy didn't need to pray but he was dragged up to the altar anyway. Still I don't think people have to be perfect ,Tommy sensed the guy meant well and that was enough. He cared enough to ask Tommy for his number and actually followed through calling him. Chris and I have been to churches that no one even said one single hi. It was heart breaking to me when I read a quote by Vincent Van Gogh
"What am I in the eyes of most people - a nonentity, an eccentric or an unpleasant person - somebody who has no position in society and never will have, in short, the lowest of the low.
All right, then - even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. No one during his lifetime saw his beauty,his unique worth. Even now people say his work was demonic which is amazing if you really knew his life. He only painted when he was sane. He killed himself,heartbroken at the peak of his abilities. So many masterpieces the world will never know because we didn't value ,love etc.. We look at life and people by the molds that are currently valued. Van Gogh during his time, didn't fit the currently favored values. Are we really seeing what is valuable or missing so much of it? Please don't think this is a preach at you thing it's a preach at me. I'm often so quick to do exactly what bothers me the most. Ironic isn't it? It's seeing,remembering my own failings that despite them God still wants to know me. That is what makes it easier for me to forgive,have grace.
It's so nice Spring is in the air. The kids were so excited to see our pussy willows bloom soon the flowers!!!!!
We're studying Ireland,St Patrick,owls (fiar Owl moon) and still the Little House Series. We'll be dissecting Owl pellets as soon as the kits arrive. Glad Chris is looking forward to the pellets. We did them with Ike and Nadia yuck! Here is a playlist I created for owls Click here to view playlist
and another playlist I created for the movie Patrick and other St Patrick's day videos. LOVE this movie it's such an eye opener about who Patrick was. Click here for Playlist
Some crafts and cooking we did.
Irish stew,interesting titbit about it. We found out the reason why the Irish stewed a lot was they were hiding the meat under the vegetables so the tax collectors wouldn't see all the meat. Apparently if you were rich enough to cook with meat,you had to pay more taxes. Also our normal cornbeef and cabbage St Pat meal is an American dish. LOL Irish immigrants mixing with Russians in America is how that dish came about.
Planting our shamrocks.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Trying to blog more about our days, hopefully I will. LOL (Shaking our homemade butter above.) We are using eclectic bit of curriculum right now. We usually do bible together, Maxwell's bible story. I had a set of them when I was a child and enjoyed them. Then first language lessons, poetry, scripture memorization, then reading a chapter-book together. Right now the book we are reading is Little House in the Big Woods. We use our chapter books as a jump off for more thorough research. So from The Little House in the Woods book we have studied a number of different mammals, Andrew Johnson, Georgia O'keefe, Wisconsin, Pioneers and more. Sebastian on his own is doing Sonlight's Introduction to American History part 1. He usually asks me about things he's interested in, and we do research on them using the web and the library. For Ollie and Francesca we're using Sonlight's "Explore God's World" and "Introduction to the World Cultures". I'm also using Waldorf (Enki LOVE it!!!) methods to introduce letters to Ollie. Here we are making homemade butter. Yum!
Corsets were mentioned in little house and the kids were curious so we watched this video on them. They were horrified! LOL They also thought it was horrible the rules for Sundays back then,no moving,no smiling,cold food etc.. So we talked about cultural Christianity vs real Christianity.
One thing I really like about homeschooling and having access to the web is pretty much instant access to information. We watch a lot of little videos. Not so much to teach, but more to pique their interest. Our school day is usually much longer then I plan because of all the questions they ask. We try to jump off and follow their interests. For instance Ollie right now is big on tracing. He spends most of the day tracing different images. What a great way to work on small motor skills and I never have to say finish that paper.
I've been using this http://www.abcteach.com/free/b/book_littlehouse_bigwoods.pdf for study questions. Francesca keeps asking for a pioneer dress so I ordered off a pattern today. I think I'm going to involve Nadia in the making of it. I keep telling her how easy it is to make your own clothes but she feels overwhelmed by it. I think she would enjoy creating her own. I used to sew a ton of clothes. It was a great creative outlet. We're also learning how to square dance http://www.videosquaredancelessons.com/lessons/m01a.htm
I've already taught Francesca how to knit. She taught Ollie how to finger knit. They made blankets and pillows for Francesca's "little house". We found a beautiful old doll house at the thrift store. We made little house on the prairie dolls for it. We picked from here and there to create ours. We've enjoyed some Laura's music thanks to youtube
We watch this nature series and other animals mentioned in little house in the big Woods.
Because Little house in the woods took place in Wisconsin. We're studying Wisconsin. One of the famous persons from Wisconsin is Georgia O'keeffe. We watched this video,very interesting.
We studied Robins great site we checked out http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Robin/videos
Here are some unedited images I took nothing special but you can see some of the things we do.
I started watching this great speaker this morning.
It's funny because so much of what she said matched this parenting series (calmer parenting) I'm currently listening to. Sometimes I swear God speaks soooo loudly to me.
It's funny because the main points that really spoke to me I already know but I have to be reminded again and again. It's like God giving me little nudges towards righteousness till finally it becomes a habit, a part of my character.
What spoke to me was about encouragement. Clearly from scriptures we are called to encourage one another. Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Well what does encouragement look like? From my experience I change the most when people noticed what I was doing right . It would make me want to be what they thought and more. It was like they put up a house frame for me to then build on. I also found spending time with someone seeing how they do things,not being preached at, just friends. I think sometimes we want to do things the right way but we don't have the practical skills to manage it. Sometimes it's easier to learn when you see someone actually doing it.
On the other hand when did I decline the most. When I was going through a season of being overstressed physically and mentally. I wasn't coping with everything in the best way I could. What made it even worse was people trying to "help" me. Lots of you really should.... Some of the you shoulds pushed towards areas I wasn't ready to deal with,I don't think God wanted me to deal with. People are called to different things. I just started feeling more and more like a loser and slowly I started to believe it. I started making negative comments about myself like jokes to them. I've always made fun of myself but this was more then that. I came to a point where I felt like what was the point I can't measure up to what I think I should be and judging from what they are saying (and not saying) I never will. Toxic
I posted this song the other day on Facebook. I posted it because it reminded me of a time in my life when I felt this way. I WILL never let myself get to this point again. I've learned to encourage myself now.
My daughter has said I used to do this to her. I love her terribly I never meant to do that to her. She said because other people thought she was a bad kid. She started acting that way. She believed that crap. I think you can be a good person,truly care about someone, and be seriously misguided in how you go about "helping" them.
Thank goodness we have a pretty open relationship so she could eventually talk to me. But I still struggle with building the house for her giving her the frame to build on. It is not natural for me. It's much easier for me to preach to her,to point out the negatives. I get legalistic sometimes too. God's word has some absolutes but some of my absolutes aren't in there. It's sad that I do the very things that I struggled with people doing in my life. Ugh!!!!
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.
We are called to notice the good but usually we dwell on the negative.
Hebrews 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
ex·hort/igˈzôrt/ Verb: Strongly encourage or urge (someone) to do something
It's funny that during that sad sad time in my life. That I still remember some of things that my pastor's wife said to me, so encouraging. That I still hang on to some of them, some days. I still remember that day sitting around with some friends talking about what we thought each other's strengths were. I never thought of myself as encouraging and funny. It's ironic how like we often can't see our faults,we can't see our strengths either.
I think we often assume a word" spoken in love" is a negative one.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
No where in that verse does it say that the truth has to be a negative. In fact if you look at studies on parenting ,the parenting style with the most successful outcome is Authoritative parenting. You can read a good article on parenting styles here http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm The thing that really sticks out to me is their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive.
The overwhelming thing people hate about Christians is they are judgmental. I wonder how we would effect the world if the first thing we did was love vs. judge.
Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
It's easier to not to judge when we remember who we are. I totally berated my daughter a few months back when she burnt my counter by burning incense on it. It didn't occur to her that when it hit the bottom it would burn the counter. I couldn't believe it how could she not know!!!! Well last week I ruined our dining room table. I let a tea light burn out on the table vs putting it back in my oil burner. I didn't think how it would get really hot and burn the wood. Duh you say, well duh I agree. Sometimes I don't think and apparently my daughter inherited this trait. If I had burnt the table before she burnt my counter I think I would of had more sympathy. It would of been easy to see why. Unfortunately it isn't always easy to see the real us. Why? Well that would be another huge post.
Paul's example
1 Thessalonians 2:12 We comforted and encouraged you, urging you to live in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
comforting- present participle of com·fort (Verb) 1. Soothe in grief; console. 2. Help (someone) feel at ease; reassure
en·cour·age -Verb 1. Give support, confidence, or hope to (someone): "encouraging results"; "I feel encouraged". 2. Give support and advice to (someone) to do or continue something:
One test now I have for people I do not keep company with or am cautious listening to is, do I feel quitting or bad after I hang out with them.
Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life.
Do I give life or drain it?
Something can be right and godly true but I think sometimes we speak out of turn and discourage rather then encourage. So guilty...
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their NEEDS, that it may benefit those who listen
Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit
Romans 12:10 Be devoted to each other with mutual affection. Excel at showing respect for each other.
Philippians12:10 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Conceit noun - 1.A favorable and especially unduly high opinion of one's own abilities or worth
Dead give away that you might have a problem with conceit.... "We love you too much to let you stay this way. " attitude. You are sooo far gone ,you can't even begin to see your own issues.
ambition –noun 1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment: Too much ambition caused him to be disliked by his colleagues. 2. the object, state, or result desired or sought after: The crown was his ambition.
1 Peter 2:17 Show proper respect to everyone
We can learn from our kids or people we might consider "beneath us" in knowledge. After all aren't we called to be like little children.
Matthew 18:2-3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven here fore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
humble
–adjective 1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful. 2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble. 3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home. 4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong.
My daughter says she feels really disrespected when I preach at her. I find it really hard to not because I care so much about her. I want to blurt out all I know and how some of her choices could really hurt her. I know a lot of the you should's come from a heart that cares but am I being wise? We are called to love first above everything else. Love God which should make us a good example not a perfect one that is reserved for God. No one believes you anyway when you act or say you don't struggle with the same stuff we all do. Then love each other the way we want to be loved. So back to those tapes ,I might need to play them over and over again just to drum it in my head build that frame!!!!
I wonder what the world would be like if we could really see into people's hearts, see motives not just what we perceive on the outside. A lot of the time what we see is a result of our conditioning (What we are familiar with, have known) and that conditioning determines our attitude and behavior towards other people. Interesting, isn't it? We project our own undesirable or desirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else. Take a person who has been lied to a lot, or they themselves are a liar. They are much more likely consider the possibility that someone else is lying to them than someone who hasn't been lied to, or lies themselves.
I've been thinking about this lately. Chris and I have been talking about this.
That some of the times that I've hurt or misunderstood people or people have hurt or misunderstood me, it's false projecting. It sucks and I'm so sick of the fallout. Then there is also the flip side that sometimes when I think a person couldn't possible want to hurt me, they are choosing to.
Over the years I've learned some clues as to when a person is a "mean" person. Mean people never apologize (thank you Beth Moore. Love her!), they always try to make it seem like you're the problem. Big clue: you almost always feel worse when you are around them. I've had to distance myself from people who feed off of others failures. Sometimes presented as help "I do" or "you should".. Chris likes to say "Don't should on yourself" because most you should sharings are poop. Usually these people can't see the forest for the trees. I love how Jesus put it in Matt 7:3-5
3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye."
So so so guilty of the above scripture!!! I wish I wasn't, but I do it. So I don't think "mean" people are always mean, usually we're all a mixture of both. I just find sometimes it's so toxic it's better to let go. Sometimes "help" can really mess things up.
Smile at the world and it will smile back.
My husband has the thickest skin ever. Seriously, he doesn't sweat any small stuff. Even when it's big stuff, he gives people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure if that is the result of his growing up, or personality, probably both. Me, I know I look for the bad first. I have plenty of reasons to be looking for people trying to hurt me, mostly from my childhood. At this point in my life though, I have lots of reason to believe people are well intended towards me. I have lots of beautiful people in my life. Reality is most people are just like me, a bit self absorbed ,but well intended. Just not always managing to do those good intentions all the time.
I've been putting some things from recent time through that filter of intentions and things are looking differently. It's much easier to understand where someone is coming from when you look at all you've known of them not just one instance. Not what I THINK I know of them. People are really too complicated to just peg them, the way we all do. But actually knowing them, which is tough even long married couples struggle with misunderstandings. So odds are most times, I just need to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I want to live according to truth not make mistakes based on emotions, false conclusions.
The problem is for me it's hard to train my mind, my character, to choose. I keep trying and there is growth, at least I"m to the point I can sorta see the "log".
Change is good, no matter how small the increments. :)
I"m so grateful for all the people who have imparted things in my life so that my life changes for me,for my family,for future family.
Haven't exactly been faithful to this blog. LOL I have so many interests it's really hard to find time to do all I want to learn and do. Lately I've been really going for my singing. It started a few years ago when I was asked to lead music at a local church. I started getting interested in singing better. So naturally I started trying to sing worship music better. Which was really discouraging... First I really dislike most christian music.
I grew up with a weird mix of music but the men I listened to sounded like the men I grew up with big deep voices. My male influences I love love love Johnny Cash and Waylon(He sounds so much like my dad which is why I think I first started loving him.) and a lot of old blues. Female ,love singers like Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald etc... Since this music is black and white to Christian music, I've never acquired a taste for the voices in most christian music. Then style and lyrics I find most christian music pretty much the same thing over and over. The bible is a lot more then same subject beat over and over so why can't they write songs with more depth? There is all kinds of human experiences in there even sex so why don't we sing about all those different experiences?
I'm sure I'm offending people here but we are all entitled to our opinions right and this is just my opinion. I'll never forget how offended someone once was when I said most christian music sounds like the men have their pants on too tight,like I had said something sacrilegious or something. It's an opinion you can like that stuff, I find I have a heavy aversion to it.
I think part of my deep deep aversion is I was told early in my christian walk that Christians should only listen to christian music and there is soooo much christian music you can find something you like. This was said in the late 80 and 90's when there really wasn't a lot of variety and most of sounded like it went through some kind of Sneetch machine, still does. Now in fairness there is are some new artists that are coming out with more creative stuff. I find sometimes I will like some music if I can find the acoustic version of it before they add in all the elevator music effects. (Can you tell how much I "love" Christian music.) Anyway I swallowed that conviction before I looked at what I was eating and it caused me just to stop listening to music for years and years.
Which if you knew me ,really knew me it would be a red flag, a huge red flag. I've always been consumed by music. One of the first things my Dad mentioned upon first meeting my husband was how I was always singing as a child. I had music on 24/7. My kids are amazed at how many songs I know all the lyrics too. Chris laughed because he said I still sing ALL the time. So it's pretty sad that I disliked the music so much I just stopped listening to music,stopped singing for a while.
Then we started going to a church where things are not laid out in rules and boxes. Things were thought through and tested not just labeled. It cracks me up how people will watch things or do things I would never do but then they look down on my music. It's like it's an American Christian rule that thou shalt not listen to anything that isn't labeled christian. The ironic thing is I am actually more inspired towards meditating on God by music that isn't specify Christian. I can tell you I cried an entire summer over adele's make you feel my love because it just spoke so deeply to me of what God says he feels about me. Obviously other people related because when I sang it at church, talking about how it made me feel,there were a lot of eyes that didn't say dry. My favorite "worship" song right now is a love song. It perfectly fits how I feel about my relationship with God him/me and me/him.
So I started out trying to improve by singing worship music. I grew pretty quickly discouraged. It felt like I was forcing myself to eat vegetables all the time. Then I didn't care at all for how I sounded singing them either. It's funny leading music for church was kind of a weird thing. I still can't decide if I liked it or hated it. I hate being in the lime light with a passion,I think I almost got an ulcer that year. I did it because I felt God was asking me to do it. I felt so deeply that I wanted people to really worship. I knew I needed that deeply for refreshing and wanted to bring that to other people more deeply. I've only seen a couple of Cape Cod churches that people really get into the worshiping. I know people will take issue with this but part of it was the skill of the people leading. Just like good preaching it's always truth, but when you get someone who can connect with people it makes a huge difference in receiving. I also think people have to be taught to worship both by modeling and teaching. Do I think that it means that it has to be a certain kind of music or a high level of musical skill ,nope. Does it have to be a certain style yea in part I would. Which is why I think a service should be a bit of a mix so it's accessible to more people.
I started doing a lot of research when I was leading. It was interesting. I can see why people go to school to become worship leaders. Some people have a natural gift for leading worship but I also think it's a skill that you can learn. I get WAY more of the music then I do out of a sermon. Bible studies well that is the best food. I think the number one thing is be a worshiper yourself. It's not a performance but a ministry.
Of course that can be misleading sometimes. I was accused of making it a performance once when really all I was doing was giving it my all. Anyone who really knew me would never accuse me of that I'm so insecure about my singing. I know another worship leader accused of the same thing but I know him and it wasn't a performance. He just has a different style that they can not connect with. A friend of mine just happened to see the same worship leader doing a service on the beach and was blown away at how "real" he was. LOL !You can't connect with with all people all the time.
For instance the church we currently are attending the pastor's sermons really speak to Chris and I, our old church not so much. He gave great sermons,he was funny,personable we love the guy(whole family is tops!!) but we just didn't receive it as much a style thing. My teenagers could never connect with the our current church's preaching but they felt our old church really did. So they are old enough that we have decided to allow them to attend the old church. Their bible studies on the other hand completely revolutionized our lives. I could go on and on about why I love them. Number one though it's because they don't talk really at all but rather ask and get you thinking. It's really cool to see the bible from a lot of different people's perspectives it's easier to see how much bigger God is through that.
I think it's important to have good doctrine,connection with the style of teaching ,worship and fellowship. If you are very very blessed you will get all three. We're still in the middle of deciding what is most important to us(We don't feel God leading one way or the other ,wish we did.). In our dreams, we wish we could blend two churches LOL! Both awesome for different reasons,we're greedy enough to wish we could blend them. Which ever one we finally end up at we're going to miss the other terribly. We're taking such a long time because for us the decision will be like marriage we're going to stick to it,make a long term commitment. I'm kind of getting itchy to decide but since Chris is leaving it up to me,it's scary too. He doesn't want to force it because it's an important decision.
Back to the music ,I've started really working on my music last few months and I'm making some progress. Chris paid for a few voice lessons back when I was asked to lead. Over all I didn't really find them helpful but he did tell me I have a huge range I just had to learn to relax and access it. Being nervous can wreck havoc on your singing. I remember being put on the spot to hear a key normally I 'm really good (sure boosted my confidence when I could hear a key over trained musicians) but for some reason that time I couldn't hear it. My teacher said it was nerves, pure nerves I have to learn to drown out everyone but the music.
Anyway when we did scales I could sing lower then most men and hit all those high notes. Problem was I was told by laymen I couldn't sing high so super insecure me when I went for those notes when I was singing I would choke. Well I've been working on it and I'm starting to relax and access them more and more it's sooooo much fun! Now to work on doing it in front of people.... I going back to working on guitar. I started learning years ago in one of the bands I was in. Band didn't work out and it's a shame I didn't keep at it. I also started learning piano because we were leading a large children's church but again when we stopped I stopped. Stupid girl!
I thought if I can learn a few songs I might try doing one of the many open mike nights that are available on Cape. The kids do those and it's been a gentle way of getting over stage fright.
So super long post sorry... Music is my passion always has been it's just been tough over the years allowing myself to see what God would have me do. To have confidence in what he has placed in my heart vs anything people would tell me. Doubt who you will but never yourself Christian n Bovee No matter how people want to bend things,box them etc... God puts things on your heart for a reason,trust it. I've had to learn to hear his voice because it's a still small voice under the din of all the other voices.
A Still Small Voice
And he [the Lord] said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind and earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
-- I Kings 19: 11-12 (KJV)
I saw this interview a while ago I wish I could find it. It was Julie and Angus Stone talking about their life and music, it really touched me how supportive the people around them were of their dreams. I have had some of this I have to say Chris and the kids are amazing. I hope if you don't have this kind of support you become your own best supporter. The world will not be quite the same without, what you have to offer it.
Artistic,silly,spontaneous,short chick. God and my family are my life and my saving grace. I cry too easy it's really really annoying but I'm also just as quick to laugh and I laugh a lot.
We had a lovely Halloween thanks to a wonderful friend who put on a fantastic party. It's so nice to spend holidays with so many. Though we were a bit of a mob going around trick or treating LOL. Olli loved it when people asked "Are you a hot dog?" and he would scream in fear "Don't eat me!!!" Always people cracked up! He is soo much like my Dad,he loves to make people laugh. 
