SO STINKIN sick of myself!!!!!

Sometimes I get so caught up in my junk I forget that other people have more troubles then me. Seriously my troubles are such crap. Wahh wahh wahh I can't find a church and I'm frustrated with the church crowd. Big deal....
I talked to two people tonight both with separate serious life changing things going on and my heart just wants to break. I HATE that people not any worse or more evil then me have in a weak moment made decisions that will effect them for a long long time if not a life time. It sucks!

I wish I had all the answers. I don't even for my own life. The only thing I'm sure of is I am greatly comforted,strengthened and guided by a relationship with God. I don't understand everything he does but really who would want a God they could understand? He wouldn't be much of God if I understood everything he is doing.

⁸ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
⁹ For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

So I have lots of things that bother me for sure but the thing I've become also sure of is over the years of my relationship with God is I can trust him. It's not just that I've seen bad things eventually turn out good for me. There is that what does kill you only strengths you thing,you do not have to be a christian to learn from hard things , there is more and it's kind of hard to explain. This part might sound weird but I've talked to him and he's talked to me. He's so much more then church. Sometimes because of church or other people's influence on me, I have even had a wrong perspective of him. There were seasons where I talked ,cried ,screamed for answers from him and I didn't get answers. No neat little package of answers arrived. I've had Christian try to give me formulas for answers but I think our lives who we are ,who God is,isn't simple enough to have a simple formula. I think that is why a lot of things are left vague in the bible. I struggled through seasons of doubt. I don't know why he allowed that but through each season eventually he met me in his timing ,his way. Most of the time he talked to me through his word. I will be the first to say it is super dry to start out with but you develop a taste for and even a hunger for it. Please do not think I'm this deep scholar because I'm not. I just find sometimes I'll read a scripture and it will really speak to me,deep down even change me in a HUGE way.

Then there is nature how can doubt him being there. I feel like I can get a sense of him by looking at creation,it's amazing!!!!!





I think another way is I knew was I just felt. There have been seasons of just feeling washed with God's love and presence. Most of the time it isn't that way (I wish!), I feel him the most when I sing but it's different for everyone. Eric liddell (remember the runner from chariots of fire) said he felt God's pleasure when he ran. God is so much bigger then the boxes we put him in. He comes in all different ways to speak to us as individuals. It might sound weird to describe knowing him as a feeling but there are lots of times we just feel something. I think you would call it intuition like when we know someone is attracted to us, we need to be leery of someone, our child is getting into trouble,we just feel it ,know it.



Ok now I'm sure you think I 'm a total nut but I'm sure of his existence as I am of the nose on my face. I talk about this because he helps me so much I wish some how I could pass that on to everyone I know and everyone I love with out them feeling like I'm being pushy or judgmental. God doesn't think like men ,most of that judgmental crap is coming from people who have God in a box of either their own choosing or false prideful teaching. Jesus like I said before wasn't to kind to those stinkers,he hates that stuff ,yet there is so much from "God's People" that it is hard to even mention God without someone getting their back up. Not to mention all the "Christians" who do horrible things. All those things make me shy to talk of the thing that is the best in my life. It's a shame because it has been the most loving solid relationship I've ever enjoyed.